Sayins Don't Babysit
by Cutegenius
Summary: Bulma's out for the day and it's Vegeta's turn to play Mommy, hold on, sit back and find out why Sayins don't baby-sit! rated pg 13 for course language.


Disclaimer: They say if you lock a hundred monkeys in a room with a hundred keyboards, they will eventually produce Beethoven's last symphony.... Well, we tried, it didn't work. So we put them in a room with a bunch of typewriters instead. And as a result.... We got this story. Life's funny like that, huh? Anyway, I'm not making any money off this, which is a darn shame really... and I don't own DBZ, I think the Monkeys might though......  
  
Sayins Don't Baby-sit  
  
We begin our story in the humble abode of Capsule Corp. Where Bulma reveals some startling news....  
  
"SAY WHAT?!" Vegeta's eyes widen with both shock and terror.  
  
"I said, Chichi and I are going shopping, and while we're gone we need you to baby-sit Trunks and Goten." Bulma taps her foot impatiently at the fact she had to repeat herself.  
  
"Why do I have to watch them?! They're Sayin! The brats can take care of themselves! I don't have time for this."  
  
"Listen up Vegeta! Trunks is only two years old! And Goten is only one! They need someone to watch over them!"  
  
"I have more important things to do with my time then watch over children. If you're so worried, why don't you, and Kakarot's loud-mouthed woman take them with you."  
  
"Excuse me! But I have a life too you know! And what important things do you have to do?! All you ever do is train in that stupid Gravity room! We are going shopping and you are going to watch Goten and Trunks, And that's final! It's about time you did something useful around here."  
  
Vegeta was about to reply when Bulma shoved Goten and Trunks into his arms.  
  
"You'll find diapers under the sink, and their bottles are pre-made in the fridge, make sure to warm them up a little. Baby food is in the pantry, their lunchtime is at 1:30, then they need their nap. There's plenty of baby books on the table next to the crib in case you need to read them a story to get them to sleep. They should have enough toys in the playpen to keep them busy. And make sure to give them a bath before we get back, any questions? No? Good, we'll be gone for a couple of hours so make sure to keep them out of trouble, kay? Bye!"  
  
Bulma said this very fast and ran out the door leaving Vegeta standing there in a stupor.  
  
He had barely understood a single word she had said. His eye began to twitch. He was stuck in the house, with the two brats, alone.  
  
( I don't know who to feel sorry for, Vegeta, or Goten and Trunks.)  
  
Vegeta walked over to Trunks's room and dumped the two boys in the playpen.  
  
He got down on the floor and began his routine of one-armed push-ups. Just because he had to take care of his son and Kakarot's, doesn't mean he has to miss his training. (Rolls eyes).  
  
But he had only done five push ups before he was interrupted by the wails from the playpen.  
  
"Whaaaaaaaa!"  
  
"WhaaWhaaa!"  
  
Both Goten and Trunks had started to cry.  
  
Vegeta covered his ears.  
  
"Grrr... Stop it! Stop it now!"  
  
But his yelling only made the two boys cry louder.  
  
"Waaaaaaaaaaa!"  
  
"WhaaaaaaWhaaaah!"  
  
Vegeta shouted louder.  
  
"I command you to shut up!"  
  
"Waaaaaaaaaaahh!"  
  
"Waaaaaaaaaaaah!"  
  
'Ug, I can't take this any longer, those two are going to drive me crazy!' Thought Vegeta.  
  
"Whaaaauh- Uh" Goten stopped crying.  
  
"Great, NOW what? Hmm...(sniff sniff) Ug! What in the world is that revolting smell?!"  
  
Vegeta's eyes widened in horror.  
  
"Oh no, don't tell me!"  
  
Trunks laughed and clapped his hands, obviously enjoying this as if it were some kind of joke.  
  
"Hee hee, poopie! Hee hee!"  
  
A few minutes later....  
  
Vegeta had Goten lying down on the changing table, struggling to remove 'This annoying contraption that these Earthlings call a diaper.'  
  
And if you can't already tell, he's not too happy about it.  
  
"Grr... This is preposterous, The Prince of all Sayins, reduced to changing diapers! What do I look like?! A wet Nurse?!... Ug, hold still!"  
  
Vegeta finally managed to remove the diaper.  
  
"UUUGG! SWEET MOTHER OF NIGHT!"  
  
Vegeta's face had turned a remarkable shade of blue, he had a most disgruntled look upon his face.  
  
"Disgusting! What in the name of King Yemma do they feed this child?!"  
  
With much reluctance, Vegeta carried the "abomination" to the trash can.  
  
"Damn you Kakarot! It's bad enough you mock me when you're alive! Now you send your blasted whelp to torture me! Curse him, he's probably laughing this up right now with that big stupid grin on his face!"  
  
After disposing of the diaper, Vegeta was faced with an even greater challenge. How to put a new one back on.  
  
"Grr... Curses, how do you get this foul contraption on?!"  
  
First he tried wrapping it around Goten like a towel, then he tried wrapping it around Goten's legs, then he tried to tie it in a knot around Goten's body. Nothing seemed to work.  
  
"If I ever get my hands on the idiot who invented these things, I'll blast him to Kingdom Kong!"  
  
Giving up on the diaper idea, Vegeta decided that the first thing to do was get rid of that horrid smell.  
  
He picked up the half naked Goten in one hand, and Trunks in the other, then headed to the bathroom.  
  
Bath time was not as easy as he thought it would be.  
  
Vegeta struggled to keep the splashing Goten and Trunks down. He himself was sopping wet, with soap suds in his spiky hair.  
  
"You little imps! Hold still!" Vegeta tried to pour that "Shampoo stuff" he found under the sink onto the squirming Sayin's heads.  
  
Trunks reached up, grabbed a few strands of Vegeta's hair, and pulled hard.  
  
"OW! Let go! Let go you little..."  
  
Trunks pulled harder and giggled at his own little game.  
  
During all this merriment, Goten managed to get his hands on the shampoo bottle. Curiously, he gave it a playful squeeze. The shampoo squirted out and flew into Vegeta's eyes.  
  
"Aaaag!" Vegeta tried to rub his face clean as he blindly searched for a towel.  
  
Goten and Trunks splashed and splashed until the floor was soaked with bathwater and bubbles. The boys giggled with glee and splashed some more.  
  
But Vegeta had had enough.  
  
"ENOUGH!" Vegeta powered up as he shouted. The room shook. Both Goten and Trunks's eyes began to water, then they bursted out.  
  
"WAAAaaah!"  
  
"Whaa! WHAAA!"  
  
Their screams and wails seemed to fill the entire Capsule Corp. building.  
  
Vegeta covered his ears.  
  
"This isn't a nightmare, this is Hell!"  
  
"WaaaWaahh!"  
  
"W..W..Wahaaa!"  
  
"Grr..shut up, Shut Up, SHUT UP!"  
  
After about an hour more of screaming, shouting, cursing, and crying. They finally made it through bath time alive.  
  
Still not sure how those "diaper things" worked, Vegeta taped the diaper to Goten's bottom using duck tape.  
  
Vegeta looked up at the digital clock on the wall. 1:27pm. He continued to stare at it.  
  
Just standing there, watching the clock. Vegeta waited impatiently for 60 seconds.  
  
1:28 pm. Tired of waiting, Vegeta raised his palm and blasted the clock.  
  
"There, it is now 1:30 pm"  
  
He grabbed Goten and Trunks by the scruffs of their shirts and carried them into the kitchen.  
  
After strapping them both into the baby chairs  
  
(Making sure they could not escape)  
  
He walked over to the pantry, picked two jars of baby food, put them down in front of the two boys, grabbed the baby bottles and threw them in the microwave for about four minutes, then set them down in front of Goten and Trunks and waited for them to eat.  
  
Trunks just stared at the scalding hot bottle and the un-open jar of baby food with a displeased look on his face. Goten, who had no interest in this whatsoever, amused himself by kicking his feet up and down and looking at everything in the room.  
  
Vegeta was not happy about this.  
  
"Well, what are you waiting for? Eat!"  
  
Trunks just turned his head away, making sure to show that he disapproved.   
  
Vegeta walked up, picked up the bottle and tried to shove it in Trunks's face.  
  
Trunks shut his mouth, pressed his lips tight and dodged.  
  
"What's wrong with you?! Eat!"  
  
Trunks crossed his arms in a 'I-don't-have-to' way.  
  
'What am I doing wrong?' Thought Vegeta.  
  
Vegeta remembered Bulma sprinkling some drips from the bottle on to her wrist..  
  
Thinking it was some stupid Earthling custom that made babies eat, Vegeta did just that.  
  
(Attention, for those of you who don't know what boiling hot milk feels like, you're about to find out.)  
  
"Aaaaaaaagg! Damit!" Vegeta threw the bottle to the ground. Both Goten and Trunks giggled in delight.  
  
"Stop Laughing!"  
  
Trunks (Who figured out how to open the jar) scooped up some baby food mush in his hand and threw it at Vegeta, landing a direct hit with a 'splop' sound on his face.  
  
"Why you little..."  
  
Then Goten (Who had NOT figured out how to open the jar) Threw the entire jar at Vegeta, conking him on the head.  
  
"OW! Damn, you little brats! I've had enough of this!"  
  
He grabbed Goten and raised him out of the high chair.  
  
"Do you have ANY Idea who you're messing with?!"  
  
Apparently, Goten did not, for at that moment he spit up on Vegeta's front.  
  
"Grr.. You're starting to push it kid!"  
  
"Hee Hee Hee Ha ha!" Goten laughed cheerfully.  
  
"Oh, I'll give you something to laugh about! Let's see how funny you are when I-"  
  
CRASH!  
  
"What the?!"  
  
Vegeta turned around. The sound had come from the other room. Vegeta  
  
(The Oh so observant one) also noticed that Trunks was missing from his baby chair.  
  
"What the-How did he get out?!"  
  
CRASH!  
  
"Damn it all!" Vegeta put Goten down on the counter top and left to find Trunks.  
  
"Just wait till I get my hands on that little- GREAT GALAXY! WHAT IN THE NAME OF DENDE DOES HE THINK HE'S DOING?!"  
  
(Sorry, I couldn't resist, man, you gotta love funimation for that one...heehee)  
  
Trunks had somehow managed to climb to the top of a very tall bookshelf, knocking books and glass figures down on his way.  
  
"Damit! I just know that I'm the one who's going to be blamed for all this!"  
  
Trunks had reached the top. He sat down and clapped his hands gleefully at his triumph.  
  
"Get down from there!"  
  
Trunks pouted his lip and shook his head.  
  
"No, no, no, no!"  
  
"I said get down here now!"  
  
"No! No geh dow!"  
  
"Don't make me come up there!"  
  
Trunks stuck out his tongue.  
  
"Phfffft!"  
  
Vegeta clenched his fists.  
  
"That's it! You asked for it!" Vegeta began to climb the book case.  
  
(Attention: I'm sure many of you are wondering why doesn't he just reach up and grab him, or why doesn't he just fly up there? 1: Because the bookcase is very tall and Vegeta is very short. 2: Because he's stupid)  
  
As Vegeta reached the middle, the book case began to wobble and shake. Apparently it was not designed to hold up loud-mouthed Sayins with over sized egos. The book case continued to shake until gravity stepped in and toppled the whole thing down, leaving Vegeta buried under a pile of books and shattered figurines.  
  
Trunks (who had landed on a nearby sofa) laughed, thinking this was some kind of joke...  
  
CRASH!  
  
Vegeta picked himself up and crawled out from under the heavy pile of literature.  
  
"NOW What?!"  
  
The crash had come from the kitchen this time.  
  
Vegeta's eyes widened with the horror of realization. He had left little Goten all by himself in the kitchen!  
  
Now, don't go getting the idea that Vegeta actually cared about Goten. Because you're wrong. He was much more concerned about the mess Goten was making, and the headache he'll get after an hour of Bulma yelling at him for leaving the brat alone in the first place.  
  
Vegeta quickly grabbed Trunks and ran across the room to the kitchen.  
  
The sink faucet was turned on and water was overflowing, soaking the floor. Drawers once filled with silverware were pulled out and laid in a funny angle. Glass shards from a broken cookie jar littered the floor, along with now soiled peanut butter cookies and crumbs.  
  
However, some cookies remained on the counter where Goten was happily munching away on these newfound treasures.  
  
"This is all Kakarot's fault! He's trying to humiliate me by sending his whelp to destroy everything in sight and have me blamed for it! CURSE YOU KAKAROT!"  
  
He shouted this so loud that more glass jars fell and shattered on the ground.  
  
Vegeta had to take a few gasps of air to catch his breath and cool down.  
  
Trunks tugged on Vegeta's pink shirt.  
  
( That's right ladies and gentlemen, throughout the entire story thus far, Vegeta has been wearing his famous 'Bad Man' pink shirt, as seen in the future Trunks episodes.)  
  
"What is it now?!"  
  
"poopie" answered Trunks.  
  
"WHAT?!"  
  
"poopie"  
  
Vegeta closed his eyes tight and clenched his fists, trying to convince himself not to blast his own son into oblivion.  
  
After much dismay of trying to change Trunks's diaper (and getting peed on himself) Vegeta finished duck-taping the new diaper on, and decided that now was as good a time as any to put the boys to bed.  
  
After placing them in the crib, Vegeta pulled out a fold up card table and placed it over the crib like a lid. Then weighed it down with toys and baby books.  
  
"Heh," Vegeta smirked confidently.  
  
"Let's just try and see them escape from that!"  
  
Vegeta turned and started to walk away when-  
  
"WHAAAAAAAAAAA!"  
  
"WAAWAAAAAAAAA!"  
  
Both Goten and Trunks started to cry again.  
  
"Grr..What is it now?!"  
  
"Sto'y" said Trunks.  
  
"What?!"  
  
"Sto'y, sto'y!"  
  
"Story?! I will do no such thing!"  
  
"WAAA! STO'Y, STO'Y!"  
  
Vegeta put his hands over his ears.  
  
"Alright, Alright! I'll tell you a stupid story! JUST SHUT UP!"  
  
Both Trunks and Goten grew silent and stared at Vegeta through the crib (*cough cough PRISON cough) bars.  
  
"Once upon a time there was a clown named Kakarot, then the Prince of all Sayins came, beat him to a pulp, then blasted him to the next dimension the end, GOOD NIGHT!"  
  
Vegeta said this very quickly and turned to leave when-  
  
"WHAAAAA!"  
  
"Grr.. WHAT?!"  
  
Trunks pointed to the closet.  
  
"Mon'ser!"  
  
"OH, FOR THE LOVE OF KAI!"  
  
"Mon'ser! Mon'ser!"  
  
(Translation: Monster! Monster!)  
  
Vegeta raised his hand and fired an energy blast at the closet door.  
  
"GALLET GUN FIRE!"  
  
BOOM! The closet was now a demolished wreck of cinders.  
  
"There! Satisfied!?"  
  
Trunks and Goten nodded.  
  
"Good! Because I'm leaving and I don't want to hear one sound out of either of you or you're next! Got that?!"  
  
Trunks and Goten nodded.  
  
"Hmpf!"  
  
Vegeta turned to leave.  
  
"Goo' nigh mama" said Trunks.  
  
"Good ni- WHAT?!" Vegeta turned around.  
  
"Buh, mama" Goten waved his hand sleepily.  
  
"Stop saying that! I am not your Mama! Especially not yours!" Vegeta shouted pointing at Goten.  
  
But both Goten and Trunks were already fast asleep. Vegeta stared at the sleeping boys for a moment.  
  
"Hmpf, the only time I can tolerate the little monsters is when they're asleep!"  
  
Vegeta turned off the light and started to walk out of the room when a small baby book whacked him on the back of his head.   
  
"Alright, who threw that?!"  
  
But the boys seemed to be innocently deep in blissful slumber.  
  
Vegeta mumbled something under his breath and left the room.  
  
"VEGETAAAAAA!"  
  
Vegeta stopped dead in his tracks. A giant sweatdrop formed on the side of his head.  
  
By the sound of it, Bulma had just gotten home and found the mess, and was not in the best mood.  
  
Vegeta turned around and re-entered Trunks's room. He decided that it just might be a little safer in there for a while.  
  
And THAT, ladies and gentlemen, is why Sayins Don't Baby-sit.  
  
THE END  
  
(Man those monkeys are good!) 


End file.
